Final Analysis

Well, things didn't turn out as great as I had originally planned. My main goals were not met and I am really disappointed. But, now that I look at my original goals, they were a little outrageous. I wanted my mentee to learn how to use email and how to put together a PowerPoint presentation when she barely knows how to turn on her computer. I didn't think at the time that overcoming her attitude toward technology should have been my primary goal. I realize now how important it is to have a willing attitude to learn new things.

On a positive note, she did sign up and attend district professional development classes for learning how to use the computer. She attended an email class, PowerPoint class, and a technology integration class. This is definitely a good thing and I am very excited that she signed up for these classes. She also initiated some conversations about things she learned in those classes and what she wants to implement next year in our laptop program.

I am most thankful for the process. This is just the beginning of a new adventure for my mentee. She is tapping into a new world of learning and it takes time. Time is essential when learning something new. I can definitely relate to this issue because at Virt Camp I used the entire time to learn how to use Dreamweaver. It was super challenging but also very rewarding. I felt proud of myself for what I accomplished and look forward to having more time to learn more about Dreamweaver. I hope that as I change into a better mentor I will be able to allow my mentee the time that he/she needs to accomplish their goals. I do realize that I had high expectations set for my mentee because I was excited about the opportunity to "change" her. Ultimately, I know that I cannot change anyone unless they themselves want to be changed. Once again, the process is the most important part of this project and I'm glad to have had the experience.

As far as my next steps with my mentee, I will continue to guide her through her learning process and come along side her when she needs my help. I think at this point, I will let her come to me when she needs something. This seems to work best with her personality. I hope that next year, I will be able to lead our staff in accomplishing some minor goals as we forge ahead with new technology at our school.

Culture

The word that sticks out to me that describes an influential culture is interdependence. Interdependence is needed for groups to move themselves together toward the goal of excellence. I also see the need for groups to answer these questions in order be clear about their work together.

1. Who are we?
2. Why are we doing this?
3. Why are we doing this, this way?

I found these questions in the book, Cognitive Coaching where it talks about adaptive schools. Each grade level needs to be able to answer these questions in order to have a focus or else their work together will be unfocused.

I wish that my grade level partner and I answered these questions together. Sometimes we do not see eye-to-eye about why we do what we do. I really do not believe in assigning a project just to keep the students busy or to keep the students "out of my hair". It seems to me that the curriculum needs to be differentiated and not just assigned for busy work. As I have learned more through this project, I see how difficult it is to be a leader in our educational system. There are so many who want to just walk away and do their own thing without answering the essential questions. How do administrators gather their staff to be like-minded so they can accomplish their goals? I wish I could see a model of this type of collaboration because it seems so hard to believe. Although I work at a small school of 15 teachers, we each have our own opinions. I know there is not an ideal school, but it would be nice to be part of a group that is looking to change for the better.

In my mentoring relationship, as I mentioned before we differ about these questions. I have found it difficult to stand up to my mentee. I do believe that this program as well as this project has helped me to see education in a different light and to think for myself what is best for students.

Mentor's Checklist-How are we doing?

How are we doing? Well, my mentee and I have been meeting about at least one hour every other week. We definitely have enough trust to work together because we had a relationship prior to this new mentor/mentee relationship. I have found that I must keep a delicate balance between the time we spend dialoguing about technology and dialoguing about our regular work day. What has made this somewhat easier is that I always talk about technology with her the day after her class. I think that she is happy with our relationship. When she is upset with me, it is usually about something unrelated to me, but sometimes it gets taken out on me. She has a very strong personality, so I have had to learn how to work with her and blow her off when she is in a foul mood. I find it difficult to talk about my feelings with her because she tends to be very self-centered and this just adds a dynamic to our relationship that I don't think belongs. I do feel like we have made headway in trying to meet the goals of our mentor/mentee relatioship. I didn't except her attitude to change as much as it has, but this is probably the most important change that needs to take place. The five things that are going well in our relationship are:

1. Change of attitude toward technology
2. Change of perspective of how to learn new technology
3. Focused conversations on what she is learning
4. Understanding delicate balance of knowing when to speak and when to listen
5. The power of gentle encouragement

I think that the one thing I would change about our relationship has nothing to do with the mentor/mentee aspect of our relationship. I need to learn how to delegate things to her like how she delegates things to me. You see, there is always a giver and a taker in every relationship. I am the giver and she is the taker. I try to apply the Golden rule in life and treat others the way I want to be treated. Although, my mentee also believes in that, she also believes that if you aren't doing her a favor, then why would she go out of her way to do a favor for you? Her requests are sublte and they just fall into the pattern that has been set between us. When I do try to stand up for myself, it doesn't seem right and I am awkward. Ultimately, I try to do the right thing and not base my actions upon hers. This is not an easy question for me to ask her, so I think I would rather not. I don't know if it is the female-to-female conflict or if it is just the giver and taker relationship that bothers me so much, but I do know that we do mange to put together a pretty fantastic Fifth grade team.

If I could guess what she likes about working with me I would have to say that she likes the fact that I work hard, I have integrity, and I am a giving person. She likes my willingness to help her in any situation and my consistently of being well-organized.

Sometimes I think my mentee wishes I would be more mean like her. She tends to be very heirarchial in her class and is very intense with her students. I am just not like that. It is not my personality and it isn't my style to get into a student's face. Especially, now that I have two sons, I always try to think about how I would want their teacher's to treat them.

I hope I am not sounding like I'm this fantastic person and my mentee is this cold-hearted person. We are just different, but somehow we manage to "pull it off" with good test scores and happy parents at the end of every year.

Our new relationship is not suffering because of these other issues, these are just normal. I know that this experience is teaching me to be a stronger person and to not let others push me around.

Other Tools to communicate

I have not yet tried emailing my mentee. She doesn't seem ready yet and right now she is more focused on learning powerpoint presentations. I may need to readjust my goals, but for now I will still move forward and hope that I will be able to help her with email. She did have her class on powerpoint and realized how easy it is to put a basic slide show together. Last Back-to-School Night, I put our presentation together. Now, that she knows the basics of powerpoint, she can put a slideshow together for Open House and that way we can alternate presenting. Well, maybe that isn't the best idea, but at least she can teach her students the basics.

Her main comment was that she needs to spend time working with the program in order to learn how to use it. I was so happy to hear her say that because before she may have said something like, "If they (the district) wants me to use powerpoint (fill in the blank), then they are going to have to pay me to do it!" I was so turned off by this attitude, but she had to come to her own realization and on her own terms to understand that you need to have some sort of desire to want to learn how to do something. No amount of money will give you this desire. It must come from within. Once again the slow process of her attitude change is more important than anything else. I am pleased thus far with the progress.

Mentor vs. Supervisor, Which am I?

I am neither my mentee's supervisor or boss. I am just her colleague trying to help her achieve her goals in learning technology. I see myself as her mentor but I find it difficult to formally evaluate her process in achieving her goals. Most of my job right now is to coach her along in the process. I do see her attitude changing slightly toward the usefulness of technology. She seems more open than ever before to our laptop program. Not only does she seem open, but she seems like she will be a willing participant. I think this will help her to learn more. I am still waiting for her to go to the email class before I bombard her with finding out her username and password. I want to see her desire to use the email before I overwhelm her with all the details.

Tao Virtue

In the book, The Tao of Giving and Receiving, it states, "The essence of Tao mentoring is in admitting that we need help on our path....If we fall down or make a mistake, it is fine simply to feel our insecurity and plunge back in, with the mentor's help. Now, go ahead and make a huge mistake, and trust that your mentor will help. Forge ahead, knowing that you are okay, able now to teach or mentor others who have fallen themselves. If we are afraid to admit that we "don't know," we may appear strong for a while, but the illusion will surface. And just think of all the energy it takes to uphold the illusion! Tao mentoring frees us to pursue life's wonderful lessons without fear of failing or being exposed." (page 12).

I love this part of the book, but this is also my mentee's weakness. She does not like to ask for help and she does not like to depend on anyone. This has proven to be the biggest challenge in our relationship because I have to be very subtle about my knowledge in technology. If I come on too strong and act like I know everything, then this pushes her away. I have found that it is best for me to be quiet and wait for her to discover her learning. Also, I wait for her questions before I give her any information. Learning the dance with my mentee has not been too difficult becuase I have worked with her for seven years. What is difficult is taking on the role of being her mentor and trying to gently guide her along the way.

Class #1

It was exciting to see the enthusiasm in my mentee's face after her first "computer class". The topic of the first class was, "Using the Internet to Enhance your Curriculum. " She shared with me that there is a grant available for $1,000.00, to use toward buying a projector to help us with teaching the internet in the classroom. Traditionally, we send the students to the computer lab, but with our proposed laptop program for next fall (September 2005), we will take on the sole responsibility of utilizing the technology in the classroom. I was so glad that my mentee was thinking ahead to the future implementation of the program. She is going to apply for the grant. I really hope that she is selected. Our next talk will be after her class to hear more about what she is learning. I still need to work with the email account, but I will wait until she gets to that point in her computer class.